Santa

I totally appreciated this short article written by Mark Driscoll on the history of Saint Nicolas. (PS. You have to scroll down and look to the left column; it's under Saint Nicolas.) I was never raised with Santa as part of our Christmas tradition so it always felt wrong to me. Though my husband's family made and still makes Santa a big part of their celebration.

I had to grow up and broaden my horizon a bit to understand that Santa or Father Christmas or whatever he is called in another's home is not a bad thing, just different. But still understanding the background on the fat guy in a red suit helps me to open my perspective just a little farther and respect others for their different traditions.

My husband and I have chosen not to include Santa in our traditions and celebration, but we have decided to celebrate Epiphany a few weeks after we celebrate Christmas. We decided this mostly because as a multi-cultural home we want to honor the celebrations in Ethiopia, where they do not celebrate on December 25th, but on Epiphany January 6th. Also I have always enjoyed the story of the wise men journeying to see the baby Jesus and it intrigues me. Though this celebration makes us a little different and I want others to respect our family traditions so I too respect theirs whether it involves Santa or the tooth fairy or who ever!

Just another way God has taken me from who I was just one year ago to who He is completing me to be. This process is mostly humbling, somewhat funny and always adventurous. I'm holding on to the only One who will never let me go.

Honesty

Okay, so here it goes...those feelings I have been keeping bottled up inside are about to be published! Oh Yikes!

Somewhere in the past few months my passion for adoption and the fatherless became quenched. Maybe it started when we arrived in Ethiopia, my child whom I loved rejected me and all the books I read to "prepare" myself for a child that is unique and lovely in her own way became an injury to my heart and I couldn't fix it.

Or maybe it started when we arrived home and nothing went quite right, we weren't sleeping, my child wouldn't look into my eyes and I was trying to bond w/ her according to books!

Or maybe it was because I read too many blogs about the wonderful times had by all and none of them expressed the difficulty that happens. I felt alone. I felt tired. I felt like a failure.

And I just figured out that it's ok. I'm never going to be a perfect mom to any of my children. But I am the mother that has been divinely chosen to be Celbie's mom and Tess' mom. Adopting any child is a process, but the process begins in your heart the moment you send in an application, not in the paperwork and not when you get your referral.

I do not doubt that some families have an easier go at the homecoming and some have a more difficult time. I am beginning to understand the love God has for His children through loving Tesfayenesh. I am beginning to understand Tesfayenesh and how to love her b/c God alone has brought me through a dark place and into the light. I am beginning to fully understand that adoption is a very personal and public matter all at the same time.

I can honestly say that this week, I looked into the eyes of my African Princess and I saw MY CHILD. My Tesfayenesh, whom I must love the way she needs me to love her and who I have been loaned to raise as best as I can and pray God fills in the gaps where I will fail her.

BUSY

I am a terrible blogger and proud of it b/c it means that my priorities are somewhat in check. I cannot blog as fast as I can journal so my children will have to read about their adventures in detail from my journals later in life. My laundry is 3 mountains high right now and calling my name, but I thought I should type a little of what life is like around here lately.

We have been doing much better as far as screaming, timeouts, unkindness, etc...

I took a trip to Seattle by myself with my two princesses yesterday! I felt like a super mom! We started out with Tuesday Kindermusic, stopped by Sunny Farms for our traveling snacks and ended up at the ferry with only one potty stop and minimal in-car screaming. I also managed to get coats, hats and shoes on before trudging up the steps to the ferry deck where we had another potty stop, (this one for Mama!) and then we proceeded to run around playing hide-and-seek, much to the other passengers distaste. But we didn't care...or more importantly I DIDN'T CARE!!!

Tess had her post-adoption doctors appointment and did fantastic. She is such a trooper! We then headed back to the ferry and home just in time for them to sleep 1/2 hour in the car and soundly enough that I could transfer them to their beds unnoticed!

We also celebrated getting Tessie's first Christmas tree and first snow on Sunday the 6th. She didn't seem too interested until sister showed her how to eat it and freeze their fingers off! We headed into the National Forrest to cut our tree with two of our closest friends the D's and the D's! The guys built us a huge fire and we ate homemade chili, cornbread, brownies and hot cider! Then we each proceeded to chop down the trees that currently adorn our homes. Lovely tradition that we are sure to repeat again next year. Our tree looks exactly like the tree we cut last year, but it's only 5 bucks, so we could care less.

God has been so good to me these past few weeks! When I look back on the past couple of months I can honestly see His faithfulness and I am humbled. I am so blessed to be the Mama, or Mimi as my babes call me) to these two beautiful girls and I look forward to tomorrow. Bed time is still a relief, but mornings are brighter!

Tomorrow we will file for re-adoption in our county. (Ok I know it's taken us a few months, but golly it's not cheap to do around here.) And make a few more Christmas wreaths to attend to our french doors and that will wrap up the Christmas decorations for the year!

Tess and her first Thanksgiving

I am still processing the feelings that prompted my last post and have decided that it's best that I do not blog about them just yet. I will however try and describe my worst Thanksgiving ever and Tessie's first Thanksgiving ever. By the way she is screaming her little head off in bed right now b/c she doesn't want to go to bed. And when I say scream, I do not mean cry loudly, I mean out and out screaming b/c she is just mad! She sounds like a coyote with a microphone!

Thanksgiving began just like any other Thanksgiving though I was honored to roast the turkey for the fire house dinner we were having. I'll admit I was a little nervous b/c fire fighters are a bit notorious for being a bit particular about their meals. Anyway...turkey roasted perfectly and was delicious if I may say so myself.

My children were not so delicious. I would love a little help on this from other mothers b/c two toddlers has been positively challenging. They are both going through a very frustrating stage at the same time of testing their limits. Over and over and over every day since Wednesday. I've never been one to look to the heavens and thank God for bedtimes, but I tell you what. As long as they're in those beds, clean and fed they can scream as long as they desire b/c at least they're not two inches from my ear screaming! Seriously, my precious girls became two strangers this week and I can't figure it out. Is it me? Is it being 2? Is it time for me to leave on a vacation? Or maybe hit the bottle?!=)

I know this doesn't sound like an awful Thanksgiving, but the details are best left in the past so you'll just have to trust me that it was just horrible and I cried way more than they did. We are heading out of town tomorrow b/c Mama needs a change of scenery! I was more than ready to cocoon up when Tessie came home, but 3 months has been a long time and it'll do us all some good to get out of here for a couple days. Watch out grandparents here come the baby T-Rex's.

Not so Bloggy

I am not feeling into blogging at this very moment, but felt like I should put something in here so it's not a dead blog just yet.

I posted this ridiculous picture of myself b/c my face is expressing exactly how I've been feeling lately. Lot's of things going on in my heart, mind and soul the past couple of weeks. Things I do not yet understand and my perfectionist self wants to figure it out, fix what I need to and then move on and NEVER repeat whatever it is.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that.

On the sunshine side of things, the girls are doing well. Mark is tired, but doing well. We found out last week Mark's brother and sister-in-law will be having twins come March! Very exciting! And Mark's oldest brother and family may move up to our area, Lord willing.

So, exciting things are happening in Karj-family-land!

Celbie and Tessie are getting on amazingly well. Today the girls and I did some much needed yard work together. It was wonderful-gut for my soul. (okay, so I've been reading a Beverly Lewis novel every day for the past week! I can't seem to get my nose out of them! A book a day...wonderful-gut, Yah!)

For a very good reason I decided to mow our soaking wet lawn today! ( I will not mention the reason, but dog owners you may know of what I speak...the lawn was a little long for the daily pick up!) As I started the mower, Tess looked at me like, "why is that huge stroller making so much noise?" I continued to proceed even though her eyes began to fill with terror. This is not the first time she has witnessed the contraption, by the way. As I mowed the lawn I looked back and Celbie had run up the hill to stand beside Tess w/ her arm around her and holding her hand, comforting her. Tess looked content and satisfied and my heart filled with joy beyond words! To see their friendship and love begin to grow has been amazing. A gift straight from the author of grace!

I am thankful for answered prayers, trials that test our faith and a home filled with love.

WORSHIP

This photo is a sunrise picture we took in Ethiopia on our walk the morning we were to meet Tess. It was a beautiful morning, but surrounding us was poverty that I cannot begin to explain. Still the smiles upon the faces we walked by showed signs of God's amazing glory...a reason to worship.

I find myself neck deep in a lesson with God lately. A theme of worship that has been pounding at my heart's door for a few months now. It began with a question, "What or who are you worshipping?"

I understand now that we were created with a passion to worship something and if our focus is not on The Creator, we will worship something created! I've read the ancient stories of the Israelites and their continuous fall into idolatry since I was a child in Sunday school and in Christian school. And each time I read or heard the story of their idol worship, even after visibly seeing the works of God, I would think that they were just silly! How could they do such a thing? How could they worship a stick figure or a clay molding? Oh...it is I who is just silly for I have done the very same thing over and over for the 27 years I've lived on this planet and just not realized it until now.

There is only One who deserves my worship. There is only One who is worthy to receive it, yet I have looked and worshiped elsewhere. I too have visibly seen the works of God, we all have. I watched a sunrise with my girls the other morning that they were in awe of and I saw the reflection of God Almighty in their precious eyes! I watched God's hand in our adoption this past year and how every little detail was God designed and timed just perfectly to each of our needs. I watched and felt my daughter grow inside my belly a couple years ago and when I heard her cry the first time, I knew I watched a God ordained miracle. I've seen creation! I've backpacked into some amazing sights and seen His glory for miles and miles. How then did I too fall into the trap of worshipping what was never meant for worship?

Oh to promise that it will never happen again is juvenile. But to know that I am covered at the end of every day is glorious. To God be the glory!

Bread Recipe

I feel so crafty typing this email. I love browsing craft blogs with recipes and fun kid friendly crafts to do with my girlies and now I get to post a fun recipe since my dear friends have kindly asked for one. So here it goes.

I thought I'd try and new bread this week and see how it went. Well, it never rose b/c I probably did something wrong, but hey! I'm Martha and I just ran with it. Okay, so the truth is, I am so cheap, (some call it frugal) I couldn't bare to throw away the ingredients, so I just improvised.

Here is the link to the recipe at...wouldn't you know it Martha Stewart's website.

I followed all the directions up to the "let it sit for 12+ hours", but after it totally looked the same even after the 12+ hours, I pre-heated the oven and opted for unleavened bread. IT WAS SO YUMMY! I spread it out on a baking stone and baked it until it was somewhat toasty looking on top, cut it w/ a pizza cutter and we ate it up! We made some hummus and dipped away. The girls dove right in and I will be honest and share, we ate the entire loaf, (is it a loaf if it is flat?) and way to much hummus!

So, if anyone wants to have a crack at that one let me know if yours actually became a loaf!